Where I belong
by Ranko's Knight
Summary: The Lady Penitent, comes before Kelevemars throne, and is judged. learn now how she spends her afterlife.     she does get a little OOC: at times


Where I belong…

By Ranko's Knight

Forgotten Realms, Hallistra city of the dead, etc, copyright Wizards of the coast.

Note: this story, trys to humanize Hallistra, if you want her to be a thourghly evil drow only pretending to redeem to survive, this may not be for you.

For many hours I wept…

Though I laughed at first,

After my poor deluded lieutenant had been taken away… I thought why wasn't I taken away, by the spider queen, if only for further torments

I thought and then understood the fundamental truth.

I had died, asking the forgiveness, ofanotherdeity.

Even if that deity, was dead, dead at MY HANDS.

That was enough, I was not, one of lloths faithful.

I was False

I wept for what seemed like hours.

I had failed thrice now…

Part of me wanted to call on lloth… it wasn't impossible, she'd be grateful to me at this point… she need never know of my last minute act of contrition.

But I stayed my tongue.

Even if she did… A part of me would never be able to bear being congraguated, or even worse, rewarded, for what I had done.

I had condemned our race.

And most likely, she'd delight in driving that home, even if she did also reward me, just to fill my soul with guilt.

I would not call on her… I would rather face oblivion.

But thatwas not to be.

A few hours latter they came

A pair of servants of kelevemar

I did not resist.

I surrendered to my fate.

As I was led into the Crystal spire I shuddered it was so filled with sorrow… and remors,e yet direct physical torture, I had heard, was not a thing kelevemar was overmuch fond of, which I supposed was fortunate for me.

They took me into the city, where all about me the gaunt petitionars go about their afterlives, dismally, looking for some shred of solace, I felt a part of my heart ache for them.

This is where I belong

I was brought before the Lordof the Dad on his throne, and Jergal came forth to assist in the trial I sighed and listened… the exact words are unimportant… but I heard Jergal give an accounting of my life.

How I became a Baqueshal

Of The evils I commited in lloths name.

How I turned from lloth not simply out of compassion, but out of fear.

How I _did _start to develop genuine compassion, which had rested deep in my heartsince childhood…

But it had not fully blossomed.

How I was horribly betrayed by my onetime handmaiden, lost the man I loved.

Kelevemar blinked a t this I could see he regarded me now in a new light, yet he continued to listen.

It was explained by Jergal how after the betrayal by Danifae I reverted back to Lloths worship.

I myself wept, anew, as I realized, truly, just how casually I'd abandoned Eilistraee, and read betrayal on her part, when she had indeed tried to save me.

He continued on to detail how I murdered poor sweet Feliane.

How I became the lady penitent and slaughtered worshipers, of both Eilistraee and Vhauren.

I bowedmy head and waited

Finally he detailed the last chance of redemption I was offered, right before I murdered the goddess for her trouble.

I wept freely… shuddering at what kind of torture I would be subjected too.. . almost longing for it, for the simple intensity of it

Instead I was cast into ghetto

A Numb, dull existence.

This is where I belong

I raged occasionaly, and acted bleakly.

But after a while even if Eilistraee was dead her spirit lived on in any who hold her ideals somewhere in their heart… even those who abandoned redemption, like I did

Thrice I betrayed eilistree

Once when I killed Seyll

Once when I renounced my redemption, and killed sweet Feliane, returning the spider queen

And Finally when she herself came to give me one last chance, I murdered her.

I expect none to give me a 4th chance.

Truly this is where I belong

And yet, as I saw many innocents here, children, begger, people who never thought to pledge themselves to a god… I felt my heart ache… again with the compassion I had been taught.

I did not dare try to give them hope

For there _is_ no hope here.

But perhaps their might be consolation.

I've tried to comfort the children, in particular, to ask people why why they betrayed their gods, each does so for their own reasons. It seems.

Never will this be a plaeasnt place, but Kelevemar allows us to "make of it what we will" thus some find , at least moderately comfortable, if not pleasant place in the city of the dead.

I've started to gain a good reputation, amongst those in the slum Iwas thrown in, for showing them kindness.. and trying to bring somemeasure of respite… to all who ask it.

I don't do this hoping for a 4th chance, I don't deserve it.

I do it in honor of a goddess who cannot reward me for my service, done too late.

I do it to create my own kind of redemption, simply by making this a better place.

Truly this is where I belong

I managed to find a piece of wood just the right size, from a dead tree, in the city… it took me days, but I was able to makea flute…

I've taken to playing for the children.

They enjoy song, and music, but find it depressing at times.

I find it impossible to sing truly joyful music in this day and age.

Hope is dead.

Slain by my own hands, ina moment of delusion.

Sometimes I think I should tell the children, but would they hate me if they knew.

I continue to play and to help others.

One boy truly admires my skill with the flute, I told him, if he liked it so much that when he grew

But Couldn't say it

He WILL never grow up.

Just as I will never grow old

We are here changeless forever, to contemplate our misdeeds, with no purpose, but what wemanage to make for ourselves.

Truly… this is where I belong.


End file.
